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Hi, my name is Nero. This is my side account for dead dove fiction and nsfw. Some of this is for coping purposes, for pure exploration, or because I find it hot. Either way, none of this is stuff I condone in real life, so please DNI if you support incest, pedophila, etc. You get the gist.
Here's a list of things you will find discussions of here:
-Noncon
-Shotacon/Lolicon
-Incest
-Minor/Adult relationships
-Unhealthy relationships in general.
Also DO NOT follow if you are a minor.
I will also maybe talk about some rpf between adults not related to each other, but most of those posts will remain access locked.
I do not consider myself a proshipper despite my views in fiction because I find it to be a really reductive label.
Before following me, I think it's important to get my general views out of the way.
( Read more... )
DNI: Queer exclusionists, including anti mspec lesbian and transmeds, MAPS/proparas/pro incest, radfems
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Sticky: Personal beliefs
I made this same post on my main too, and for my own comfort I'm going copy paste what I wrote there and also leave it here.
Because I find it important and politics are a deal breaker for me, I found it pertinent to make a post outlining my general views on things.
-I believe in intersectionary feminism that is pro trans and pro sex workers.
-Pro kink.
-Pro choice.
-Anti queer exclusionism, including transmedicalism and anti "confusing" identities or labels.
-Pro palestine and anti zionism.
-Pro BLM
-Freedom of religion and spirituality, so no anti theism here.
If there's anything else I can think of, I'll add it to this post. But I think you get the gist. Note that my blog is not about politics whatsoever, but I do think it's important to curate a space I feel comfortable in, and that does involve making my stance on thing clear so people who I'd rather not interact with can avoid me.
Because I find it important and politics are a deal breaker for me, I found it pertinent to make a post outlining my general views on things.
-I believe in intersectionary feminism that is pro trans and pro sex workers.
-Pro kink.
-Pro choice.
-Anti queer exclusionism, including transmedicalism and anti "confusing" identities or labels.
-Pro palestine and anti zionism.
-Pro BLM
-Freedom of religion and spirituality, so no anti theism here.
If there's anything else I can think of, I'll add it to this post. But I think you get the gist. Note that my blog is not about politics whatsoever, but I do think it's important to curate a space I feel comfortable in, and that does involve making my stance on thing clear so people who I'd rather not interact with can avoid me.
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(no subject)
I am back to ramble about Megatron and Starscream again, because I still feel really insane about them.
I've been specifically thinking about the kind of sex they have. I think it's very violent, and there's a lot of sadomasochism involved. I also do believe Megatron has raped Starscream a few times, but not all of their sex is full on noncon. I do think Starscream has moments where he seeks sexual attention from Megatron, or when Megatron approaches him sexually and Starscream enjoys and welcomes it. They have a weird dynamic in my head where yes, there is abuse, but they also do have attachments to each other so I think even after being abused by Megatron, Starscream has developed some genuine attraction to him and despite it not being healthy, he does gravitate towards Megatron sexually.
And I think, Megatron has his moment where he doesn't feel like being mean. He is, in his own way, endeared by Starscream. So even though he's a horrible, abusive piece of shit, he does have times when he shows some affection. Maybe he's gentle to him, gives him ftercare. I am obsessed with the contrast of abusive relationships having moments of tenderness.
I've been specifically thinking about the kind of sex they have. I think it's very violent, and there's a lot of sadomasochism involved. I also do believe Megatron has raped Starscream a few times, but not all of their sex is full on noncon. I do think Starscream has moments where he seeks sexual attention from Megatron, or when Megatron approaches him sexually and Starscream enjoys and welcomes it. They have a weird dynamic in my head where yes, there is abuse, but they also do have attachments to each other so I think even after being abused by Megatron, Starscream has developed some genuine attraction to him and despite it not being healthy, he does gravitate towards Megatron sexually.
And I think, Megatron has his moment where he doesn't feel like being mean. He is, in his own way, endeared by Starscream. So even though he's a horrible, abusive piece of shit, he does have times when he shows some affection. Maybe he's gentle to him, gives him ftercare. I am obsessed with the contrast of abusive relationships having moments of tenderness.
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i recently watched all of transformers prime and ohhh i am obsessed with megatron and starscream.
i fully believe they are really codependent and obsessed with each other. the way their relationship changes throughout the show is so interesting to me. starscream hates megatron. for good reason, because megatron is his abuser. and also because he envies him and wants to be in his position. for as long as megatron is around, starscream lacks control. he is paranoid and miserable the whole time because no matter what he does he cannot be free of megatron.
so he leaves, and good for him, but he lacks a support system so nothing goes right for him. he is still miserable, and he comes to the realization that he needs megatron. he needs his abuser. what a horrifying thing to realize.
so he comes back to megatron, and his perspective on him instantly switches. he becomes loyal, dedicated, hes so obviously desperate for approval. and i think this change makes sense, because his experiences have made him believe that megatron is his only choice. and megatron does soften up on him a little, even saving him from dreadwing at one point. it makes sense this would cause starscream to emotionally latch onto megatron.
and when megatron dies? he is sooo visibly distressed. he has clearly developed an emotional connection to his abuser, and isnt that so tragic.
ive been mostly focusing on how i think starscream feels about their relationship, because hes my favorite and i do find him more interesting. but megatron's feelings are definitely fascinating to think about, if you really sit with them.
the reason megatron doesnt kill starscream, despite obviously being able to, is because the writers cant kill off one of their main antagonists. but i think if you choose to take megatron's refusal to kill starscream seriously, it says some interesting things. i dont think his decision to let starscream live makes sense unless you read them as codependent. he does say that he has kept him around because he finds his attempts at overthrowing him amusing. so he does get something from being around starscream. i think megatron keeps him around because he wants someone to inflict pain on, and starscream is his favorite person to hurt.
in my head, these two are mutually obsessed. they resent each other but theyve also been together for so long that an attachment has formed between them. they are stuck in a horrible cycle and gotten used to it.
i fully believe they are really codependent and obsessed with each other. the way their relationship changes throughout the show is so interesting to me. starscream hates megatron. for good reason, because megatron is his abuser. and also because he envies him and wants to be in his position. for as long as megatron is around, starscream lacks control. he is paranoid and miserable the whole time because no matter what he does he cannot be free of megatron.
so he leaves, and good for him, but he lacks a support system so nothing goes right for him. he is still miserable, and he comes to the realization that he needs megatron. he needs his abuser. what a horrifying thing to realize.
so he comes back to megatron, and his perspective on him instantly switches. he becomes loyal, dedicated, hes so obviously desperate for approval. and i think this change makes sense, because his experiences have made him believe that megatron is his only choice. and megatron does soften up on him a little, even saving him from dreadwing at one point. it makes sense this would cause starscream to emotionally latch onto megatron.
and when megatron dies? he is sooo visibly distressed. he has clearly developed an emotional connection to his abuser, and isnt that so tragic.
ive been mostly focusing on how i think starscream feels about their relationship, because hes my favorite and i do find him more interesting. but megatron's feelings are definitely fascinating to think about, if you really sit with them.
the reason megatron doesnt kill starscream, despite obviously being able to, is because the writers cant kill off one of their main antagonists. but i think if you choose to take megatron's refusal to kill starscream seriously, it says some interesting things. i dont think his decision to let starscream live makes sense unless you read them as codependent. he does say that he has kept him around because he finds his attempts at overthrowing him amusing. so he does get something from being around starscream. i think megatron keeps him around because he wants someone to inflict pain on, and starscream is his favorite person to hurt.
in my head, these two are mutually obsessed. they resent each other but theyve also been together for so long that an attachment has formed between them. they are stuck in a horrible cycle and gotten used to it.
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Gave Hazbin Hotel a watch, and while I found it mostly mediocre in its execution the concept of Lucifer and Charlie really stuck with me. It's pretty unusual for me to be attracted to parent/child incest unless it's particularly abusive, which these two very much aren't. If anything, I think I'm enamored with the idea of Lucifer's undying affection for Charlie and how that might look in an incestuous concept. For some reason, it speaks to me.
My main idea right now is that them being separated for so long made them crave affection from each other in a way that their brains start to interpet as romantic. I think Lucifer is lonely and with Charlie being the only person he has left in his life, it makes his brain go to some uncomfortable places. He desperately wants to be a good father to her, and yet he keeps wanting to be close to her in ways no father should.
As for Charlie, I think she's subconsciously really eager to get Lucifer's approval. And in search for this parental affection, she ends up viewing her father in a romantic like way. She wants to be close to him in any way that's possible.
They go from being completely distant to immediately jumping at the opportunity to spend time together and they let their shows of affection escalate in a way that they wouldn't if they weren't so desperate to reconnect and have the deepest bond they can. And I don't think they immediately register it as incestuous, because it never crosses the line, but once they realize that in their efforts to form a connection they've accidentally recreated a wierdly romantic dynamic, it really horrifies them. On one level because they are both trying to be better people, on another because they fear this will pull them apart again.
I also think that they are very unaware of how the other person feels. They are fully convinced the feeling is unrequited.
Ultimately what dooms them is that having away from each other for so long, made it so that they accidentally registered their relationship as something that it isn't and, not very aware of how to navigate a normal father-daughter relationship, started expressing that affection in unappropriate way and constantly pushing their limits, because they are just so desperate to be close, and this desperation will lead them some weird places.
My main idea right now is that them being separated for so long made them crave affection from each other in a way that their brains start to interpet as romantic. I think Lucifer is lonely and with Charlie being the only person he has left in his life, it makes his brain go to some uncomfortable places. He desperately wants to be a good father to her, and yet he keeps wanting to be close to her in ways no father should.
As for Charlie, I think she's subconsciously really eager to get Lucifer's approval. And in search for this parental affection, she ends up viewing her father in a romantic like way. She wants to be close to him in any way that's possible.
They go from being completely distant to immediately jumping at the opportunity to spend time together and they let their shows of affection escalate in a way that they wouldn't if they weren't so desperate to reconnect and have the deepest bond they can. And I don't think they immediately register it as incestuous, because it never crosses the line, but once they realize that in their efforts to form a connection they've accidentally recreated a wierdly romantic dynamic, it really horrifies them. On one level because they are both trying to be better people, on another because they fear this will pull them apart again.
I also think that they are very unaware of how the other person feels. They are fully convinced the feeling is unrequited.
Ultimately what dooms them is that having away from each other for so long, made it so that they accidentally registered their relationship as something that it isn't and, not very aware of how to navigate a normal father-daughter relationship, started expressing that affection in unappropriate way and constantly pushing their limits, because they are just so desperate to be close, and this desperation will lead them some weird places.
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some thoughts on antis and upsetting fiction
i had an interesting experience the other day, and it made me think a little about antishippers and how they react to fanfiction and fanart that makes them uncomfortable, and i wanted to talk about it a little bit.
i was looking at a person's fanart of their ocs, and greatly enjoying it, until i saw an ask they answered about them. one of the ocs in question is a sexual predator, and his whole thing is that he's constantly cheating on his wife with teenage girls. the ask was about how the girls he dated turned out in the future once they were no longer with him, and they answered that because he was mostly nice, they actually turned out alright.
this REALLY bothered me. as someone who was groomed and treated nicely by said groomer, i wouldn't say i left that relationship without wounds. looking back on it, the realization that i was taken advantage of really fucked me up. so reading this made me feel super uncomfortable. i hate the idea that as long as your groomer treats you nicely, you'll turn out okay.
but then i stepped back. fiction like this doesn't need to be realistic, and i have no reason to believe this person thinks like this of real life people. i myself have very unrealistic interpretations of fictional relationships. when i ship incest, i often ship it in a consensual and mutual sense, but incest in real life is not like that, it's abusive. so why isn't this person allowed to think of their ocs in this way?
it made me feel upset, and i think those feelings were valid, but if i had then chosen to lash out at people over this that would have been wrong.
but it got me thinking about how a lot of antis feel. many of them have been hurt, and i think for a lot of them seeing content that closely resembles what happened to them, often with some fetishistic undertones, can be deeply upsetting. when i saw that person's ask, i thought "would they think like this about what happened to me?" i imagine antis probably think stuff like that.
this experience gave me some level of empathy. because it sucks feeling like that, and if you haven't done the work to distance yourself from your disgust reactions, yeah, i can see how that would feel very real.. but it also made me realize, it's entirely possible to recognize your feelings don't define others. you can feel upset and uncomfortable, you can even feel angry. but what you do with those feelings is entirely up to you.
i was looking at a person's fanart of their ocs, and greatly enjoying it, until i saw an ask they answered about them. one of the ocs in question is a sexual predator, and his whole thing is that he's constantly cheating on his wife with teenage girls. the ask was about how the girls he dated turned out in the future once they were no longer with him, and they answered that because he was mostly nice, they actually turned out alright.
this REALLY bothered me. as someone who was groomed and treated nicely by said groomer, i wouldn't say i left that relationship without wounds. looking back on it, the realization that i was taken advantage of really fucked me up. so reading this made me feel super uncomfortable. i hate the idea that as long as your groomer treats you nicely, you'll turn out okay.
but then i stepped back. fiction like this doesn't need to be realistic, and i have no reason to believe this person thinks like this of real life people. i myself have very unrealistic interpretations of fictional relationships. when i ship incest, i often ship it in a consensual and mutual sense, but incest in real life is not like that, it's abusive. so why isn't this person allowed to think of their ocs in this way?
it made me feel upset, and i think those feelings were valid, but if i had then chosen to lash out at people over this that would have been wrong.
but it got me thinking about how a lot of antis feel. many of them have been hurt, and i think for a lot of them seeing content that closely resembles what happened to them, often with some fetishistic undertones, can be deeply upsetting. when i saw that person's ask, i thought "would they think like this about what happened to me?" i imagine antis probably think stuff like that.
this experience gave me some level of empathy. because it sucks feeling like that, and if you haven't done the work to distance yourself from your disgust reactions, yeah, i can see how that would feel very real.. but it also made me realize, it's entirely possible to recognize your feelings don't define others. you can feel upset and uncomfortable, you can even feel angry. but what you do with those feelings is entirely up to you.
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i wish there were more dead dove communities
i did a little search through this site, and there don't seem to be any active communities for dead dove. which is sad and almost makes me want to open my own. i don't have the energy to run something like that, and i imagine finding members for it would be a pain, so i'm not going to do it, but it does suck that there don't seem to be bigger spaces for this type of thing on dreamwidth.
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tcest headcanons
i've been thinking about what my personal tmnt headcanons are when it to comes to the ot4. in general, i have a pretty big raph/mikey bias, but i also just tend to imagine all four of them are in a relationship. it just makes sense to me that they would all be codependent and incestuous in some way. what i've been more interested by lately is how those incestuous feelings started, and i imagine the answer is different for all of them.
mikey: he first developed a crush on raph when he was about 8. raph may be irritable and hard to get along with, but he's so much fun to be with, and mikey is really attracted to that. their push and pull dynamic got really twisted into something else inside his head, but he wouldn't really figure out what those feelings meant until he was around 10. by that time he'd already started crushing on leo, because how can he not fall for his cool older brother? he falls for donnie last, when they're already about 15. by that point he has adopted the habit of wasting time in donnie's lab, much to donnie's annoyance, so they end up spending a lot of time together. the proximity made it really easy for him to catch feelings.
donnie: he started crushing on leo when he was 14. raph and mikey are loud and messy and so frustrating to talk to, but leo is so much easier to be with. and that made him an ideal first crush. due to internalized homophobia/the incest taboo, he'd repress those feelings and wouldn't come to terms with them until he was much older. i don't even think he even perceived it as a crush honestly. he would next start crushing on mikey, at around the same time mikey was also developing feelings for him. he wouldn't catch feelings for raph until he was about 18, mostly because they both deal poorly with intimacy, so it'd take them a long time to become truly close and allow any feelings to form.
raph: his first crushes were on mikey and leo. he developed both at the same time when he was 8. he has intense relationships with both, so it makes sense to me that he would perceive them both very similarly. he wouldn't think of donnie in that way until he was 18.
leo: his first crush would be on raph, when he was 10. like i said, those two have a pretty intense relationship, so it feels like they would catch feelings for each other when they were young. his second crush would be donnie, at around 14,. and his last crush would be mikey at 16, i imagine mikey would be last because i can see leo struggling to think of his little brother in that way.
on a related note, i think they all had different "oh shit, i'm in love with my brother" moments. mikey would realize at 10, donnie at 17, leo at 18 and raph at 16.
mikey: he first developed a crush on raph when he was about 8. raph may be irritable and hard to get along with, but he's so much fun to be with, and mikey is really attracted to that. their push and pull dynamic got really twisted into something else inside his head, but he wouldn't really figure out what those feelings meant until he was around 10. by that time he'd already started crushing on leo, because how can he not fall for his cool older brother? he falls for donnie last, when they're already about 15. by that point he has adopted the habit of wasting time in donnie's lab, much to donnie's annoyance, so they end up spending a lot of time together. the proximity made it really easy for him to catch feelings.
donnie: he started crushing on leo when he was 14. raph and mikey are loud and messy and so frustrating to talk to, but leo is so much easier to be with. and that made him an ideal first crush. due to internalized homophobia/the incest taboo, he'd repress those feelings and wouldn't come to terms with them until he was much older. i don't even think he even perceived it as a crush honestly. he would next start crushing on mikey, at around the same time mikey was also developing feelings for him. he wouldn't catch feelings for raph until he was about 18, mostly because they both deal poorly with intimacy, so it'd take them a long time to become truly close and allow any feelings to form.
raph: his first crushes were on mikey and leo. he developed both at the same time when he was 8. he has intense relationships with both, so it makes sense to me that he would perceive them both very similarly. he wouldn't think of donnie in that way until he was 18.
leo: his first crush would be on raph, when he was 10. like i said, those two have a pretty intense relationship, so it feels like they would catch feelings for each other when they were young. his second crush would be donnie, at around 14,. and his last crush would be mikey at 16, i imagine mikey would be last because i can see leo struggling to think of his little brother in that way.
on a related note, i think they all had different "oh shit, i'm in love with my brother" moments. mikey would realize at 10, donnie at 17, leo at 18 and raph at 16.
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mitchellcest headcanons
i recently rewatched the mitchells vs the machines, and the idea of aaron and katie as an incest ship has been living in my head rent free ever since.
i certainly thought about it when i first watched the movie around the time it came out. i thought it was cute, in a really messed up way. i was at the time very active on "proshiptwt" and i certainly saw lots of suggestive art works of the two. one thing is for sure, porn artists are very quick to jump on the last trends. it's a little bit impressive.
but that's besides the point. the works certainly made me think about the ship a bit more sincerely, and now i have a few thoughts on it.
my interpretation of the ship is aaron has a cute, innocent crush on his older sister, but he isn't fully aware of the implications of that, or that he's even attracted to her that way. i think he would be the type to get flustered around her, or maybe a little shy, but not really know what any of that means. why would he feel weird around his sister after all?
if there's something i'm a sucker for is the idea of guilty predator, and that's what katie is to me. she adores her little brother, and she enjoys the attention she gets from him, and at some point she realizes maybe she likes it too much. maybe she even feels jealous of aaron's crush on abbey, and it makes her feel horrible and extremely worried about what this could potentially mean.
i'm not entirely sure how i imagine their "relationship" starting just yet. i'm still figuring that out, but i'm thinking maybe aaron innocently kisses her one time, and it sends katie over the edge. all these feelings, these urges she'd been trying to repress for his sake are suddenly out of control, because now that she's had a taste of it she can't bring herself to stop.
so she keeps encouraging her brother's behavior, leading him on and telling him to not tell anyone, and of course he listens because he'd do anything for her.
aaron is confused about the things his sister does to him, but he's happy they get to share something special and that she seems to enjoy it so much. meanwhile katie feels sick and like the worst person on earth, but she's so addicted to it, she can't stop no matter how guilty she feels.
i think their relationship would start relatively tame. kisses, cuddles, things like that. she wouldn't want to take things too far, or that's what she tells herself at first. but she's not strong enough to hold back for too long, so their dynamic does become sexual.
aaron would feel strange. he likes the affection he gets, but it feels like too much. as long as it makes katie happy though, he won't complain.
i love the idea of katie teaching him how to eat her out, and aaron being so confused, but very eager to please her. he kind of sucks at it, but the inexperience arouses her even more.i also enjoy thinking about the secrecy of it all. as far as anyone, including their parents, can see, katie is a nice, older sister. but when no one is looking she's getting her little brother off. i love the idea of her sneaking into his room at night to "play" with him and having to close his mouth with her hand so no one will hear his noises.
there are probably typos all over this but i'm too tired to check and edit. i just wanted to talk about shotacon incest before bed.
i certainly thought about it when i first watched the movie around the time it came out. i thought it was cute, in a really messed up way. i was at the time very active on "proshiptwt" and i certainly saw lots of suggestive art works of the two. one thing is for sure, porn artists are very quick to jump on the last trends. it's a little bit impressive.
but that's besides the point. the works certainly made me think about the ship a bit more sincerely, and now i have a few thoughts on it.
my interpretation of the ship is aaron has a cute, innocent crush on his older sister, but he isn't fully aware of the implications of that, or that he's even attracted to her that way. i think he would be the type to get flustered around her, or maybe a little shy, but not really know what any of that means. why would he feel weird around his sister after all?
if there's something i'm a sucker for is the idea of guilty predator, and that's what katie is to me. she adores her little brother, and she enjoys the attention she gets from him, and at some point she realizes maybe she likes it too much. maybe she even feels jealous of aaron's crush on abbey, and it makes her feel horrible and extremely worried about what this could potentially mean.
i'm not entirely sure how i imagine their "relationship" starting just yet. i'm still figuring that out, but i'm thinking maybe aaron innocently kisses her one time, and it sends katie over the edge. all these feelings, these urges she'd been trying to repress for his sake are suddenly out of control, because now that she's had a taste of it she can't bring herself to stop.
so she keeps encouraging her brother's behavior, leading him on and telling him to not tell anyone, and of course he listens because he'd do anything for her.
aaron is confused about the things his sister does to him, but he's happy they get to share something special and that she seems to enjoy it so much. meanwhile katie feels sick and like the worst person on earth, but she's so addicted to it, she can't stop no matter how guilty she feels.
i think their relationship would start relatively tame. kisses, cuddles, things like that. she wouldn't want to take things too far, or that's what she tells herself at first. but she's not strong enough to hold back for too long, so their dynamic does become sexual.
aaron would feel strange. he likes the affection he gets, but it feels like too much. as long as it makes katie happy though, he won't complain.
i love the idea of katie teaching him how to eat her out, and aaron being so confused, but very eager to please her. he kind of sucks at it, but the inexperience arouses her even more.i also enjoy thinking about the secrecy of it all. as far as anyone, including their parents, can see, katie is a nice, older sister. but when no one is looking she's getting her little brother off. i love the idea of her sneaking into his room at night to "play" with him and having to close his mouth with her hand so no one will hear his noises.
there are probably typos all over this but i'm too tired to check and edit. i just wanted to talk about shotacon incest before bed.
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some reflections on shotacon/lolicon
i was talking with a friend, who is also into shotacon, about how we both feel about the general perception people have of the genre and how we deal with that.
on a personal level, i find it doesn't bother me as much anymore. it used to be something that really stressed me. the idea that someone could think something horrible of me because of some stupid fictional kink. the idea made me sick to my stomach.
but with time, i think i've come to terms with it. i get why people have extreme reactions to that kind of material, it's a very heavy kink that i think is hard to get. the cultural perceptions around kinks are still super far behind and most people haven't learned to distance themselves from their disgust responses. i don't think most of the people who think i'm a predator for whatever fictional bullshit are evil, but they are horribly ignorant.
there's been a lot of debate around lolisho on twitter lately because some kpop dudes are getting heat over watching some anime with dark themes in it. as far as i know, the work does contain some fanservice, but it's primarily an exploration of trauma. whatever, but people are having a moral panic and it's been frustrating to see.
on the one hand a part of me doesn't really care. i find it funny because of how absurd it is.
on the other, this does worry me. i think this is a good example of how this type of purity culture can have a very real impact. i mean, i hope this doesn't escalate, but if the situation does get worse, it could have some really bad repercussions on the lives of these people.
it's been very frustrating to have to see even the most reasonable takes still have the implication that lolisho=pedo shit.
i like lolisho for the same reason some people like age play. i'd argue it's just a fictional version of the same thing. fake scenarios involving adults/cartoon characters are simply never going to evoke the same feeling of looking at a child in real life.
lolisho is a way for me to play with power dynamics, it's about this exaggerated version of innocence and playing with the idea of corruption. but it's also about self projection kinda. i like the idea of being someone fragile that needs to be cared for, and this is a good vehicle for that.
( tw: mentions of grooming )
my point is, sexuality is a lot more complicated than people like to think. there's a lot of nuance that gets lost and i get why, but it's exhausting.
on a personal level, i find it doesn't bother me as much anymore. it used to be something that really stressed me. the idea that someone could think something horrible of me because of some stupid fictional kink. the idea made me sick to my stomach.
but with time, i think i've come to terms with it. i get why people have extreme reactions to that kind of material, it's a very heavy kink that i think is hard to get. the cultural perceptions around kinks are still super far behind and most people haven't learned to distance themselves from their disgust responses. i don't think most of the people who think i'm a predator for whatever fictional bullshit are evil, but they are horribly ignorant.
there's been a lot of debate around lolisho on twitter lately because some kpop dudes are getting heat over watching some anime with dark themes in it. as far as i know, the work does contain some fanservice, but it's primarily an exploration of trauma. whatever, but people are having a moral panic and it's been frustrating to see.
on the one hand a part of me doesn't really care. i find it funny because of how absurd it is.
on the other, this does worry me. i think this is a good example of how this type of purity culture can have a very real impact. i mean, i hope this doesn't escalate, but if the situation does get worse, it could have some really bad repercussions on the lives of these people.
it's been very frustrating to have to see even the most reasonable takes still have the implication that lolisho=pedo shit.
i like lolisho for the same reason some people like age play. i'd argue it's just a fictional version of the same thing. fake scenarios involving adults/cartoon characters are simply never going to evoke the same feeling of looking at a child in real life.
lolisho is a way for me to play with power dynamics, it's about this exaggerated version of innocence and playing with the idea of corruption. but it's also about self projection kinda. i like the idea of being someone fragile that needs to be cared for, and this is a good vehicle for that.
( tw: mentions of grooming )
my point is, sexuality is a lot more complicated than people like to think. there's a lot of nuance that gets lost and i get why, but it's exhausting.